My Homework

My wife has given me some baby related 'homework'.  I am to read a book.  It is called 'The New Contented Little Baby Book' by Gina Ford.  It was loaned to us by a helpful friend and colleague who found it very useful when she gave birth to her son a few years ago.  When people learn you are an expectant parent, you are flooded with offers.  Offers of clothes, offers of buggies, offers of help and advice.  It is all very kind, but at times a little overwhelming.

http://www.contentedbaby.com/books-Contented_Baby.htm


My wife wants to follow much of the advice in the book.  Therefore, I need to read it to ensure that I can support her in following the routines set out within the book.  I like routines.  I am a teacher, so that shouldn't really be a big surprise.  I feel comfortable when given a routine to follow and even more comfortable when giving little people routines to follow!  But I don't feel confident about establishing routines for my own child.  I cannot see how we are going to establish a routine with a newborn who cannot be reasoned with.  She won't be able to understand that we need to follow a routine for her benefit.  She'll presumably want to feed when she's hungry.  She'll want to sleep when she's tired.  Won't it be a little cruel to deny her these pleasures for the sake of a routine? 

I've started to read the book and it has scared me.  I hope you didn't misread the last sentence.  I haven't been scarred by the book; just a little frightened by it.  I haven't got to the sections about routines yet.  I'm putting that bit off.  I have though read something which I know we are not going to be able to enforce.  It is suggested that visitors have minimal contact with your baby to ensure that the baby feels secure and relaxed in the first few weeks.  For those of you who have met my mother, you will know that this isn't realistic.  My family is very tactile.  Especially my mum (which is one of the many reasons why she is a fantastic mother and a brilliant grandmother to my nieces and nephews already).  I'm not going to be the person who tries to stop her cuddling her granddaughter.  I don't think my wife is keen on the idea either!

So we have decided that we'll take on board most of the advice and try not to feel guilty about not following all of the advice we are given.

I know that having a child is a serious business and, as you may be able to tell, I am taking the whole thing pretty seriously, but it appears most of the books about pregnancy and childbirth are unnecessarily serious.  Surely, most expectant parents are going to be a little nervous and worried about the whole process.  Does it really help them to be scared out of their wits in the months leading up to the birth?  I'm not advocating that publishers should only publish lighthearted and unrealistic books about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting.  That wouldn't help anyone.  But, couldn't they strike a greater balance between the scary and serious and the positive and humorous?

I have read such a book.  It is called 'The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide' by Rob Kemp.  It is great.  My wife enjoyed it too!  It is a more lighthearted look at pregnancy from a father's perspective.  Now I'm sure the more cynical of you might argue that it is a lot easier for a man to be positive about the whole process.  We don't have to experience any of the physical difficulties and discomforts of pregnancy or the pain of childbirth. And, of course, you'd be right.  But, I think pregnancy isn't always an easy time for expectant fathers.  I can't speak for all dads-to-be, but there are many times when I feel totally useless.  I'd love to help more but there are so many things I can't do.  It is frustrating.

http://www.robkemp.org.uk/page2.htm

It is an incredibly exciting time, even with all of the fretting.  I know that after all of the scary moments we will have a daughter and we'll do our best to make sure that she is exceptionally well loved and looked after, even if we don't always ensure that she follows a strict routine!

The Shopping

Since finding out that my wife was pregnant it seems that we have spent every weekend shopping.  Buggies, baby monitors, nursery furniture, clothes...the list is endless.  Please don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed this a little more than I probably should have.  I am the one who wants to go to the shops every five minutes because I have seen something we 'need'.  But I've also worried throughout the whole process.

I'm worried because we have just moved into a new house, which seems to be a bottomless pit into which we are throwing money.  How can we afford the 'best' for our daughter when we are already stretched?

I'm worried because I want to make sure I get the safest products on the market.  It is surely a dad's job to ensure that his children are kept as safe as possible.  This starts with the buggy, the car seat, the cot and mattress.  And, I'm sure it will never finish!

I'm worried because everyone has an opinion and I'm not sure whose to listen to.  We are very lucky to have a very supportive and close family and equally special friends.  But, they all have strong opinions and share them with such conviction, it is difficult to know what to do when they clash and contradict.

The nursery furniture was easy!  We are relative newlyweds and we were exceptionally lucky to have been given vouchers by our very generous guests.  So, instead of buying the state of the art entertainment center I had my eye on, we headed to John Lewis with a bulging envelope of vouchers, and ordered the following nursery set.

http://www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-toronto-furniture-range/p351788

The real challenge was the buggy.  Who knew that selecting one would be such a minefield?  There are prams, buggies and travel systems.  There are 3-wheeled and 4-wheeled options.  There are any number of different manufacturers and ranges.  Then there is the fashion aspect. Now, anyone who knows me knows I am not, nor have I ever been, fashionable or cool, but I would like my daughter to at least have a chance to be!  I have become aware that buggies are quite the fashion statement.  There are brands which are very sought after.  During a weekend away in south west London, a couple who did not look like they had children (or even any on the way) approached a friend to covet her iCandy buggy.  This is how popular some products have clearly become.  People who may not even be parents or parents-to-be want one!  The problem is, they come with a very hefty price tag.

After many sleepless nights and hours spent trawling the internet, we made our decision.  Then we changed it.  Then we changed it again several more times.  When you look at reviews on the internet, most of the people who review their products, in this case their buggies, prams or travel systems, haven't actually used them properly.  They are expectant parents with time on their hands before the birth of their children.  Much like myself!  Therefore, their reviews consist mostly of how the product looks and how easy it is to use without the added complications of a baby.  They are helpful but do not give you an idea of how well the product you are about to spend several hundreds of pounds on will last.

We finally chose the Graco Evo in a rather striking lime.  We are delighted by our choice, although we haven't yet put it through it's paces.  It is lightweight.  You can purchase a car seat which will attach to the frame.  You can get a car set base for the car seat, avoiding all of the difficulties of trying to secure the seat with a seat belt (a must have item, I have been told by many parents). You can reverse the buggy so it can face in or out.  The buggy lies flat, so there is no need to buy a carrycot.  It is easy to maneuver.  And of course, there's the rather bright colour!

http://www.mothercare.com/Graco-Evo-Pushchair/LU0864,default,pd.html

So, we are happy!  Happy with our furniture.  Happy with our buggy and car seat.  Happy with everything we have bought so far.  And I'm left wondering; what have I been worrying about?

Where It All Began

The birth of my daughter, my first child, is due within the next six weeks and I have spent the last six months incredibly excited to meet her.  However, I have also been worried about almost everything.  Which of the hundreds of buggies available really is the best? How many baby-grows does a new born need?  Is it really necessary to have a baby monitor with video capabilities?  The number of questions I ask myself on a daily basis is ridiculous.  What is even more ridiculous, though, is the number of questions that I have no idea how to answer!  I am 33 years old and come from a big family.  I have spent most of my life surrounded by babies and young children; cousins and nieces and nephews.  Yet, here I am, about to become a father and I am fretting! 

Let's go back to the beginning.  I met my wife just over four years ago.  I knew within a matter of a few weeks that this was the woman I wanted to marry and also the woman who would make the most incredible mother.  We married in August last year and immediately set about trying for a family.  We were living in a rented flat in the beautiful Cotswolds and knew that it wouldn't be a practical place to bring up a young family.  There were over 50 external steps to get to our front door and no lift.  Imagine that with a buggy or a car seat with the little one in or if you are 9 months pregnant in the height of the summer!  (Of course there are those of us who will not be able to imagine the latter, but I'm positive that it wouldn't be much fun!)

In November we had some wonderful news.  My wife had sold her flat in Exeter, after more than two years of desperately trying to get rid of it.  It meant we were finally in a position to buy a property ourselves.  Even better was the fact that a bungalow in a great little village three miles down the road was back on the market.  We had viewed it three times already and loved it!  So we put in a few offers and finally had one accepted.  This all happened within 24 hours.  24 hours during which my wife also took a pregnancy test and discovered she wasn't pregnant.  We weren't expecting anything as we hadn't been trying for long.  Anyway, it seemed like we'd have enough on our hands over the next few months.

A couple of days later, we were booked in to speak with a mortgage adviser.  I met my wife in a local shopping center.  It was here that my wife decided to tell me that she had done another pregnancy test during the day (in fact, she'd done several) and she was convinced that she was pregnant.  She was concerned that we were about to commit our financial future to a home which would now be more difficult to afford if she was to have a significant break from work in the not too distant future.  I understood this and appreciated her letting me know before our meeting.  However, I always imagined the conversation we had just had would have taken place somewhere a little more intimate and salubrious than outside of the Stroud branch of Wilkinsons!

And so it began.  The worrying.  The fretting.  Was she right?  Should we really be buying the house?  We picked it because it would be the ideal place to bring up a family.  It has a big garden to play in, the village is quiet and safe, the local primary school looks fantastic and is a two minute stroll through the village and it is in the middle of some of the most amazing countryside either of us have ever visited.  But could we afford it with a baby on the way?  As with most of the concerns I have had since that cold day in November, I needn't have worried.  We are here now and, with some careful budgeting, we will be more than financially stable.  Most importantly, we love it here and it is, in our minds, the perfect place to bring up our daughter.