My Homework

My wife has given me some baby related 'homework'.  I am to read a book.  It is called 'The New Contented Little Baby Book' by Gina Ford.  It was loaned to us by a helpful friend and colleague who found it very useful when she gave birth to her son a few years ago.  When people learn you are an expectant parent, you are flooded with offers.  Offers of clothes, offers of buggies, offers of help and advice.  It is all very kind, but at times a little overwhelming.

http://www.contentedbaby.com/books-Contented_Baby.htm


My wife wants to follow much of the advice in the book.  Therefore, I need to read it to ensure that I can support her in following the routines set out within the book.  I like routines.  I am a teacher, so that shouldn't really be a big surprise.  I feel comfortable when given a routine to follow and even more comfortable when giving little people routines to follow!  But I don't feel confident about establishing routines for my own child.  I cannot see how we are going to establish a routine with a newborn who cannot be reasoned with.  She won't be able to understand that we need to follow a routine for her benefit.  She'll presumably want to feed when she's hungry.  She'll want to sleep when she's tired.  Won't it be a little cruel to deny her these pleasures for the sake of a routine? 

I've started to read the book and it has scared me.  I hope you didn't misread the last sentence.  I haven't been scarred by the book; just a little frightened by it.  I haven't got to the sections about routines yet.  I'm putting that bit off.  I have though read something which I know we are not going to be able to enforce.  It is suggested that visitors have minimal contact with your baby to ensure that the baby feels secure and relaxed in the first few weeks.  For those of you who have met my mother, you will know that this isn't realistic.  My family is very tactile.  Especially my mum (which is one of the many reasons why she is a fantastic mother and a brilliant grandmother to my nieces and nephews already).  I'm not going to be the person who tries to stop her cuddling her granddaughter.  I don't think my wife is keen on the idea either!

So we have decided that we'll take on board most of the advice and try not to feel guilty about not following all of the advice we are given.

I know that having a child is a serious business and, as you may be able to tell, I am taking the whole thing pretty seriously, but it appears most of the books about pregnancy and childbirth are unnecessarily serious.  Surely, most expectant parents are going to be a little nervous and worried about the whole process.  Does it really help them to be scared out of their wits in the months leading up to the birth?  I'm not advocating that publishers should only publish lighthearted and unrealistic books about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting.  That wouldn't help anyone.  But, couldn't they strike a greater balance between the scary and serious and the positive and humorous?

I have read such a book.  It is called 'The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide' by Rob Kemp.  It is great.  My wife enjoyed it too!  It is a more lighthearted look at pregnancy from a father's perspective.  Now I'm sure the more cynical of you might argue that it is a lot easier for a man to be positive about the whole process.  We don't have to experience any of the physical difficulties and discomforts of pregnancy or the pain of childbirth. And, of course, you'd be right.  But, I think pregnancy isn't always an easy time for expectant fathers.  I can't speak for all dads-to-be, but there are many times when I feel totally useless.  I'd love to help more but there are so many things I can't do.  It is frustrating.

http://www.robkemp.org.uk/page2.htm

It is an incredibly exciting time, even with all of the fretting.  I know that after all of the scary moments we will have a daughter and we'll do our best to make sure that she is exceptionally well loved and looked after, even if we don't always ensure that she follows a strict routine!