My wife is a beautiful woman. She is a beautiful pregnant woman. My mum told me a few weeks ago that she "...suits pregnancy". It is true. She looks fantastic. I am, of course, biased. But I know I am not the only person who thinks this.
The problem is that people often make comments about the size of her bump. I wish they wouldn't! It really bothers her. I'm not talking about friends, family or colleagues. I'm referring to strangers. Strangers who are more than just a little bit rude (although I'm not sure how many of them are deliberately being rude).
My wife is a very positive person. It takes a lot to annoy her. Maybe not as much as it did before she was pregnant, but she is still very placid. Yet, on more than a few occasions recently, people have said things to make her annoyed and self conscious. My wife isn't very tall. In fact she is just under 5 feet 2 inches tall. (I know this should be written in meters and centimeters and the teacher in me is annoyed that it isn't, but not enough people work in metric, especially when measuring height.) This mean that our daughter doesn't have anywhere to grow other than out! However, the obstetrician we saw recently described the size of our bump as perfect. It was exactly the size it should be. But people still seem keen to comment on the size.
That's the funny thing about pregnancy. People feel they can make personal comments to someone they have never met before. Would these same people comment on a complete stranger's hairline, their weight, their height or their fashion sense? Almost certainly not. So why do they think it is okay when speaking to a pregnant woman?
After some people have asked my wife how long she has left, the common response has been, "Oh, are you having twins then?" A close second is, "Oh, it looks like you're ready to drop now." She isn't. Baby isn't due until next month. But, I'm now worried about going anywhere with my wife for the next few weeks in case someone says something they shouldn't and the fiery red-headed Welsh temperament she must have buried deep down somewhere finally takes over and she assaults someone. I'm not saying they wouldn't deserve it but I'm not sure you are able to take babies on community service!
It might interest you though that, when looking at a photo of herself at a recent wedding, my wife gasped, "Oh my god, I'm massive." So maybe it isn't only strangers who make rude comments about the size of her bump!
I have been led to believe that we need to name our child once she is born. This is quite a responsibility. As you can imagine, it is something that I have spent time worrying about. If we get it wrong, then it will be our daughter, not us, who has to live with the consequences of having a bizarre, wacky, unusual or inappropriate name.
A few years ago, my wife and I lived and worked in New Zealand for a year and I met some very 'interestingly' named children. It surprised me then, to find out, that New Zealand actually has a banned baby name list.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/06/new-zealand-justice-baby-names
In fact, I worked with a child with one of these 'banned' names. And with many more children with even more unusual names. The idea, however, of such a list, surely makes sense. But it would not stop the problems when you put a poorly selected Christian name with certain surnames. For example, Emma is a perfectly pleasant name. It obviously wouldn't make it on to a banned names list, but if it was teamed with the surname Roids, then someone would be in for a lifetime of name-related trauma. There's nothing wrong with the name Annette, unless your surname is Curtain. If your surname is Time or Case, then you'd be wise to avoid the name Justin for you son. You can do a search of silly names on the internet and keep yourself amused for hours. Many of them are undoubtedly made up. But some must be true.
Then there is the celebrity trend (which in my experience, extends beyond just the rich and famous) of giving your children a 'unique' name. If you knew your child was going to have to live their life in the media spotlight, wouldn't you want to avoid a name which was open to ridicule? Apparently not!
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/05/21/klay-rooney-funny-celebrity-baby-names_n_3312603.html
I'm confident that when William and Kate name their child later this summer it won't be bizarre or unusual. I'm glad about this. I don't think a future king or queen should be named after an American city, a fruit or even a colour.
I've clearly become distracted. I wanted to write about our difficulties with names and I haven't so far! We have a list of names for our daughter. It is a heavily guarded secret. We don't want to be put off of the names we like by people's reactions.
When we didn't know whether we were having a boy or a girl, we had a firm favourite if it was a boy. Now, I will admit, it did fall in the unusual bracket. There is a reason for this. My wife is Welsh. It seemed to us that if we gave our child a Welsh name it would be a great way for them to be reminded of their heritage. This, we felt, was especially important as we will be bringing them up in England. So we discussed many Welsh names. Some we loved, others we didn't. Much like any other list of names. Then we found one we really liked.
The name we liked was Idris. Actually, we still like this name. It is a traditional Welsh name. But we won't be using it for our daughter! The problem was that, when we shared this name with a certain close relative, who shall remain nameless, they reacted rather poorly. You would have thought we were suggesting that our child might be named Lucifer or Adolf. We instantly knew that we could not name our child this.
By the time we found out we were having a girl, the nameless relative had changed their mind. They now claim that they think it is a lovely name. I think that may just be a little too convenient. It doesn't matter now. It is no longer relevant. But the experience has made us wary.
It is difficult enough to find names you like when you are a teacher and are from a huge family. My mum has five siblings and my dad has four. I have over 20 cousins and many of them have their own children. That's a lot of names. A lot of names we cannot choose for our own child. I have been teaching for 10 years. During that time I have met many, many wonderful children. I have also met some who have displayed challenging behaviour in class or around school. I would find it difficult to name my child after particular children. I can't imagine I would name my child after the pupil who whacked me with some branches he'd ripped off a tree. Or the one who'd graffitied rather unpleasantly about me in the toilets (at least he'd spelled the key swear words correctly!) Or the child who hit me in the face with a very well hit tennis ball during a game of cricket!
Now we have chosen the names on our shortlist, we know that we have to keep them quiet so that people don't have chance to criticise them or react poorly to them. We figure that it will be more difficult for them to do this when they are told our daughter's name after she is born, rather than just some ideas we have for her name. Let's hope that is the case!
Over the past few months, I have, more than once, woken to the sounds of a pregnant woman screaming. And it wasn't my wife. I should probably clarify that first sentence. It has actually been several different pregnant women. The screaming doesn't stop when I wake up. I haven't been dreaming. It is in the room and it terrifies me each and every time.
I have always had a habit of falling asleep on the sofa with the TV on. This has been happening a lot recently. Maybe I'm tired from the busy nature of my work or getting the new house decorated. Maybe it is because I've not been sleeping too well at night because of my high levels of excitement about the pregnancy, as well as my many worries and concerns about it. Whatever the reason, it means that I often wake up disorientated and confused for a couple of seconds long after I should have taken myself off to bed.
It is during these moments on a Wednesday night that the screaming happens. The TV is showing One Born Every Minute, the documentary set in a maternity ward. The screaming pregnant women are in the process of giving birth. It is graphic and very real. This is what will happen to my wife next month and it is this situation that causes my greatest worry. Childbirth.
I have never felt comfortable watching this programme. I take myself from the room if my wife watches it. In fact, she is feeling more and more uncomfortable watching it now that the big event is drawing nearer. When I awake to the screaming, my wife isn't in the room any more. She has gone to bed and I'm left wondering (once the panic has subsided) if she has deliberately left the TV on that channel in an attempt to remind me of what she will have to go through soon and how lucky I am not to have to go through it myself. My wife isn't that type of person, so I am sure it is just a coincidence.
http://lifebegins.channel4.com/
I have felt pretty useless throughout the pregnancy and I'm sure that I will continue to feel this way for the next 5 or 6 weeks. But, that is nothing to how useless I am sure I will feel in the delivery suite. I have no medical experience or training at all. If my wife needed help with her multiplication tables or spellings then I'd be pretty useful. She, of course, doesn't require this kind of help. She needs trained midwives and doctors. Thanks to the wonderful NHS she will get this. She will also get me, whether she wants me or not!
I'm prepared for the inevitable abuse I will get during labour. I will deserve it. I will have had a significant role to play in my wife being there after all. I'm not sure I'm prepared for much else.
I do know that I will have it easy compared to my wife. I also know that she will be in excellent and incredibly capable hands. Everyone in the health care profession that we have met over the course of the pregnancy has been caring, knowledgeable and professional. I have the utmost confidence that they will look after my wife and child.
I have heard many positive stories from male friends about how amazing it was being in the room when their child was born. So maybe I should stop worrying and look forward to it!
My wife is a beautiful woman. She is a beautiful pregnant woman. My mum told me a few weeks ago that she "...suits pregnancy". It is true. She looks fantastic. I am, of course, biased. But I know I am not the only person who thinks this.
That's the funny thing about pregnancy. People feel they can make personal comments to someone they have never met before. Would these same people comment on a complete stranger's hairline, their weight, their height or their fashion sense? Almost certainly not. So why do they think it is okay when speaking to a pregnant woman?
