A Wonderful Wife and Marvellous Mother

Whilst there are a great many things I worry about as far as my daughter and fatherhood are concerned, there is one thing I don't need to worry about.  I have never worried or will never worry about what kind of mother my wife is.  She is an incredible mother.  My daughter and I are exceptionally lucky to have her in our lives.  As we have just celebrated our first wedding anniversary, this post is a chance for me to describe what a wonderful mother my wife actually is.  Warning: If you have recently eaten, then you may want to read this at a later point, as the content of this post may make you feel nauseous!

Let's start with her selfless attitude during pregnancy.  Not once did I hear her complain about having to significantly adjust her diet to cope with her gestational diabetes.  Despite her physical appearance, she does actually really enjoy chocolate and cakes, so I know that it was harder than she let on.  She didn't even mind injecting herself twice a day with insulin.  Her only focus was what she needed to do to ensure our daughter was growing healthily in the womb.

Then there was the ECV.  I would have skipped it and gone straight to the Caesarean-section, such is my aversion to pain.  But my wife wanted to try to provide a safer natural birth for our daughter.  So she gritted her teeth and allowed someone to subject her to some agonising pain.  Again, there were no complaints, there was no screaming or shouting.  Unbelievably, after it was all over, her only thought was that of guilt.  She hoped our daughter hadn't suffered and wouldn't blame her mother for her ordeal.

After our gorgeous little girl was born, there were some real challenges with breastfeeding.  Once again, my wife showed what a selfless individual she is by persevering with feeding for almost a month.  This was despite difficulties latching which resulted in several problems.  Firstly Daisy screamed and screamed for the first few days every time she was meant to be feeding, which broke my wife's heart.  It also made us both very apprehensive about feeding time.  Once that subsided, then the pain became apparent.  But my wife continued through it, seeking support and advice from various breastfeeding advocates so that she could continue to do what she felt was the best thing for our daughter.  And Daisy gained lots of weight, justifying her mother's decision to continue.  My wife had two painful infections, one of which required antibiotics, in the first couple of weeks which still didn't sway her unerring persistence.  Finally, a third infection was the final straw and she very reluctantly conceded that breastfeeding simply wasn't working for them.  And yet, she still asked my permission (because we are a team and both of our opinions about parenting matter, even though I wasn't the one who had to suffer extreme pain every two or three hours and the immense discomfort in between) and she still cried with guilt when we gave Daisy her first bottle of formula milk.  This just shows what a remarkable mother she is.  Her only concern is what is best for our daughter and it was her body, not her heart or mind, which finally decided that enough was enough.

She is also a very loving mother.  It is the most incredible sight to see my wife and daughter together.  Daisy always appears a little indifferent to the hundreds of kisses I bestow upon her each day.  Maybe it's the beard!  Maybe it's my breath!  Maybe she just isn't that bothered by my affection.  However, when my wife kisses her, she turns her head, her eyes light up and she puckers up to receive the kisses with sheer delight.  They gaze into each other's eyes and Daisy is very contented when she is doing this.  She loves her mother very much, that much has been obvious from the very first day.  And who can blame her?

She's also great at everything else being a mother entails.  She gets up in the middle of the night to feed her, change her and cuddle her, often for two or more hours (because our 'naughty' daughter still hasn't figured out when she should be sleeping and when she should be awake) despite the fact that she is exhausted after having undergone major abdominal surgery less than four weeks ago.  She is affectionate and caring.  When we have visitors she very subtly makes sure that Daisy is never away from her for more than quarter of an hour by suggesting to even the most strong and healthy of them that their arms 'look tired' (from holding our huge 3kg daughter!) and then asking the rhetorical question 'shall I take her now?'

Daisy and I hope she realises how grateful we are to her for everything she does for us.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served at 2am!

Daisy isn't sleeping very well at the moment.  Actually, that's not correct, she is sleeping brilliantly during the day.  She sleeps soundly most of the day, even if we are out or if there is lots of noise and light in the house.  She has slept soundly for most of her visitors.  When we have had a room full of people, including her young cousins, none of whom are being quiet, she is passed around and doesn't even stir from her slumber.  Her Grampy thinks she doesn't have eyes because, both times he has visited her, she has slept the entire time!

It is sleeping during the night that is the problem.  Last night, she was up for over five straight hours.  I'm not naive enough to think that Daisy is the only newborn baby not to sleep properly.  We are having the same experience as many parents have in the first few weeks of their baby's life.  However, it is difficult not to question whether it is something you have done wrong, especially when she also managed to wee and poo on me over the last 24 hours.  Maybe Daisy is getting revenge for something her mother or I have done.

Perhaps she is less than impressed with the ridiculous colour of the buggy we push her around in.  It would make sense; she does sleep whenever she is in the buggy or matching car seat.  Clearly she doesn't want to be associated with her parents' shocking taste.  Could it be some of the clothes we dress her in?  Again, I don't think I'd blame her, some of the clothes we have bought for her would definitely class as crimes against fashion.  All of the clothes that friends and family have given her are beautiful, but she is currently too small to fit in to the many wonderful outfits she has been given.  So, for now she has to put up with some of the gaudy clothes we have bought for her.  Maybe it is her father's 'poor' taste in music.  My younger brother would definitely agree with her on this one.  Daisy has to listen to my music in the car and in the night when we are trying to settle her.  Is it possible that she is so unimpressed with Mumford and Sons, Ben Howard and The Lumineers that she would decide to get her own back when we all should be sleeping?

Of course, I do realise that Daisy isn't really extracting revenge on her parents.  Although, that is harder to believe when she isn't screaming at 2am in the morning having been changed, fed and burped!  The reality is that she is just adjusting to life and can't quite figure out when she should be sleeping and when she should be awake.  As well as this, she is unsettled at the moment because her mother is currently on antibiotics which are effecting her own digestion.  It must be uncomfortable for her and it certainly can't help her with sleeping.  The course of antibiotics is almost complete and soon both of my girls should be better and we can try to get some normality into our lives.  Breastfeeding is still a challenge but it is getting better and I'm constantly amazed about my wife's ability to persevere with something which has caused her great pain and has resulted in two infections.

During the small hours of the morning it is difficult to think about anything other than Daisy's inability to sleep despite our best efforts, but I am absolutely loving fatherhood.  One of my favourite things is watching my daughter with her mother.  Despite their early challenges with breastfeeding, when Daisy would get so irate at the fact her mother wanted to do something so cruel as feed her, the connection between them is very special.  I love watching Daisy gazing admiringly at her mother and vice versa.

The list of other things I am enjoying about fatherhood is limitless.  However, I have been able to think about the things I enjoy the most.  These include nappy changing.  No, I didn't type that incorrectly.  I actually mean it.  It isn't so much changing the nappies that I enjoy.  It is the toilet humour which comes from it.  Daisy has a tendency to wee mid nappy change.  We think that it has something to do with the change of temperature.  It often results in a change of clothes for Daisy, nevertheless it is humorous trying to stem a river of urine before it flows off of the changing mat and on to our new cream carpets.  Until yesterday, I was relieved that Daisy didn't have the 'range' a boy would.  And then, she showed yesterday that she does have quite an impressive range after all, as she managed to get wee all over my foot!  She has also cannoned a less pleasant substance at me twice during nappy changes.  This was probably more funny for my wife than for me but I have managed to find the funny side too whilst scrubbing my hands with industrial strength soap!  She makes us jump with the loud noises that emanate from her when she is filling her nappy.  Of course, this then leads to more hysterics.  How could someone so small and cute make such a massive noise?  Considering the content of this paragraph, if my daughter was able to read then it would give her another reason to extract revenge on her parents by keeping them up all night!

There's also the shopping.  It's not actually the shopping I enjoy.  It is the admiring glances my daughter gets.  It is the many women of a certain age fussing and cooing over Daisy as she sits in the trolley seat looking adorable.  It fills me with immense pride.  There is something else which is positive when going shopping.  No, it isn't the huge cost at the end now that we need 3 or 4 packs of nappies each and every time we visit the supermarket.  It is the parking.  Let's face it, supermarket shopping is painful at the best of times.  The first challenge always being to find a good parking spot which isn't half a mile away from the shop.  So, thanks to Daisy I am able to use the 'Parent and Child' parking spaces.  Ironically, since Daisy was born, we have overindulged in chocolate and junk food.  Therefore, we would probably benefit from walking a bit further when we get to the shops.

The thing I most enjoy though is just holding my daughter and spending time with her.  I spend a large amount of my day now just staring at Daisy.  I am fascinated by everything she does.  When she sleeps, she seems to be experimenting with various different faces.  She smiles, she grimaces, she purses her lips.  This might seem cruel, but I also find it funny to watch Daisy when she has the hiccups or sneezes.  As there is nothing I can do to help her when this happens, I have found the time to record her on my phone!

Daisy: Part 2

I had hoped my wife and daughter would be home three days after the birth.  They weren't.  They spent the first five days and nights of Daisy's life in hospital.  Even though I knew they were in incredibly capable hands, it was exceptionally difficult to drag myself away from them each night.  In fact, I hated it.  My wife was unable to move from her bed on the first night and whilst she was healing well during the subsequent days and nights, being able to lift our daughter from her cot any time of the day or night wasn't an easy task.  I wanted to be there to help.  I wasn't allowed.

Why did they have to stay longer in hospital than we had anticipated?  The short answer is that they were struggling with feeding.  It hasn't come as a galloping shock that my daughter is a strong-willed little lady.  After her battle of wills with gravity and nature during the pregnancy and a consultant during the ECV, it was obvious before she was even born that she would have a strong personality.  Her determination and stubbornness became apparent very early on.  People spend a lot of time discussing who a baby looks like when they are born.  (Fortunately, my daughter has her mother's looks and doesn't have my nose!)  However, I've spent more time thinking about my daughter's personality over the past two weeks.  She certainly has the stubborn, determined and strong-willed characteristics of the female members of my mother's side of the family.  But I'm really struggling to place her attitude towards food.

From the first few feeds it was clear that breastfeeding our daughter wasn't going to be the walk-in-the-park that it is made out to be by some healthcare professionals during pregnancy.  Daisy wasn't latching properly and seemed to spend a great deal of time becoming frustrated and angry about it.  She would scream, wriggle and squirm and a feed could take over an hour and a half, if indeed it happened at all.  This was heartbreaking for my wife and I.  My wife found it very upsetting,  She had the 'equipment' and plenty of milk but our daughter didn't want to, or couldn't, drink it.  I was upset that my wife was upset.  Daisy, who isn't the biggest baby, was losing weight as a result.  She had lost slightly over 10% of her body-weight within four days of her birth.

My rapidly expanding waistline is testament to the fact that I don't share my daughter's current attitude towards food!  Her mother also has a healthy attitude towards food, although looking at her fantastic figure you wouldn't have any clue about how much she enjoys eating.  However, I didn't like food much as a child.  It worried my mother immensely.  I was small and skinny and not that healthy looking.  I certainly made up for it in my late teens when I went to university and was able to cook myself whatever I wanted.  Thanks to my wife, I now have a more mature attitude towards food and my diet isn't all bad!  So, maybe Daisy is following my food journey.  I hope not!  I was a pain.  I wouldn't eat anything good for me for my entire childhood despite my mum's greatest attempts.  I want my daughter to have a better attitude to food than I did.

Finding out that Daisy had lost so much weight was the lowest point in the past two weeks.  Fortunately, it also seemed to be the spur that Daisy needed and following that very hard and upsetting day she started to get the hang of feeding.  I'm not saying she got it straight away and feeding no longer caused any anxiety or temper tantrums.  But, she did start to feed better and she did start to gain some of the weight she had lost.  The midwives and their assistants in both Gloucestershire Royal Hospital and Stroud Maternity Hospital (where we had asked to transfer to after a day) were wonderful.  They were patient, caring and understanding and helped my girls every step of the way.  By the time my wife and daughter were finally ready to leave hospital five days after the birth, Daisy had gained an impressive 6 ounces over the course of the final two days.
 
Now we are home, Daisy and my wife are still finding feeding difficult.  But, due to my wife's patience and determination, they are getting there.  Thankfully, Daisy is still gaining weight.  She is almost back to her birth weight and the midwives who have visited us have been pleased with the progress she is making.  She feeds well once she is latched.  However, she has certainly had her moments.  There have been temper tantrums and it took 45 minutes to start one feed recently.  But we are picking up tips from the midwives and from a breastfeeding counsellor from an organisation called MOBS (Mothers Offering Breastfeeding Support).  Every feed that goes well helps to improve my wife's confidence and reduce our collective anxiety towards the whole process.

I am very proud of my wife and daughter.  They haven't given up.  I would totally understand if my wife decided that she wanted to try formula milk instead.  But she has persisted, as she feels that breastfeeding is the best option for our daughter.  It still worries me (and her).  I want them both to enjoy feed times, I want them enjoy each other's company and I want them to be happy.  If feeding is a constant battle then these things can't happen.  Formula milk might be the best option in the near future and we shouldn't feel guilty about it if it comes to that, but for now I will support my wife and daughter in any way I can as they continue to get better at feeding every day.