I had hoped my wife and daughter would be home three days after the birth. They weren't. They spent the first five days and nights of Daisy's life in hospital. Even though I knew they were in incredibly capable hands, it was exceptionally difficult to drag myself away from them each night. In fact, I hated it. My wife was unable to move from her bed on the first night and whilst she was healing well during the subsequent days and nights, being able to lift our daughter from her cot any time of the day or night wasn't an easy task. I wanted to be there to help. I wasn't allowed.Why did they have to stay longer in hospital than we had anticipated? The short answer is that they were struggling with feeding. It hasn't come as a galloping shock that my daughter is a strong-willed little lady. After her battle of wills with gravity and nature during the pregnancy and a consultant during the ECV, it was obvious before she was even born that she would have a strong personality. Her determination and stubbornness became apparent very early on. People spend a lot of time discussing who a baby looks like when they are born. (Fortunately, my daughter has her mother's looks and doesn't have my nose!) However, I've spent more time thinking about my daughter's personality over the past two weeks. She certainly has the stubborn, determined and strong-willed characteristics of the female members of my mother's side of the family. But I'm really struggling to place her attitude towards food.
From the first few feeds it was clear that breastfeeding our daughter wasn't going to be the walk-in-the-park that it is made out to be by some healthcare professionals during pregnancy. Daisy wasn't latching properly and seemed to spend a great deal of time becoming frustrated and angry about it. She would scream, wriggle and squirm and a feed could take over an hour and a half, if indeed it happened at all. This was heartbreaking for my wife and I. My wife found it very upsetting, She had the 'equipment' and plenty of milk but our daughter didn't want to, or couldn't, drink it. I was upset that my wife was upset. Daisy, who isn't the biggest baby, was losing weight as a result. She had lost slightly over 10% of her body-weight within four days of her birth.
My rapidly expanding waistline is testament to the fact that I don't share my daughter's current attitude towards food! Her mother also has a healthy attitude towards food, although looking at her fantastic figure you wouldn't have any clue about how much she enjoys eating. However, I didn't like food much as a child. It worried my mother immensely. I was small and skinny and not that healthy looking. I certainly made up for it in my late teens when I went to university and was able to cook myself whatever I wanted. Thanks to my wife, I now have a more mature attitude towards food and my diet isn't all bad! So, maybe Daisy is following my food journey. I hope not! I was a pain. I wouldn't eat anything good for me for my entire childhood despite my mum's greatest attempts. I want my daughter to have a better attitude to food than I did.
Finding out that Daisy had lost so much weight was the lowest point in the past two weeks. Fortunately, it also seemed to be the spur that Daisy needed and following that very hard and upsetting day she started to get the hang of feeding. I'm not saying she got it straight away and feeding no longer caused any anxiety or temper tantrums. But, she did start to feed better and she did start to gain some of the weight she had lost. The midwives and their assistants in both Gloucestershire Royal Hospital and Stroud Maternity Hospital (where we had asked to transfer to after a day) were wonderful. They were patient, caring and understanding and helped my girls every step of the way. By the time my wife and daughter were finally ready to leave hospital five days after the birth, Daisy had gained an impressive 6 ounces over the course of the final two days.
Now we are home, Daisy and my wife are still finding feeding difficult. But, due to my wife's patience and determination, they are getting there. Thankfully, Daisy is still gaining weight. She is almost back to her birth weight and the midwives who have visited us have been pleased with the progress she is making. She feeds well once she is latched. However, she has certainly had her moments. There have been temper tantrums and it took 45 minutes to start one feed recently. But we are picking up tips from the midwives and from a breastfeeding counsellor from an organisation called MOBS (Mothers Offering Breastfeeding Support). Every feed that goes well helps to improve my wife's confidence and reduce our collective anxiety towards the whole process.
I am very proud of my wife and daughter. They haven't given up. I would totally understand if my wife decided that she wanted to try formula milk instead. But she has persisted, as she feels that breastfeeding is the best option for our daughter. It still worries me (and her). I want them both to enjoy feed times, I want them enjoy each other's company and I want them to be happy. If feeding is a constant battle then these things can't happen. Formula milk might be the best option in the near future and we shouldn't feel guilty about it if it comes to that, but for now I will support my wife and daughter in any way I can as they continue to get better at feeding every day.
